My Father’s Gift — A story of loss and renewal

Posted: 05 May 2013 06:00 AM PDT

"I drove for three hours to a pristine lake under pines and stillness somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin, and I sat silently with about 25 fellow meditators and a bunch of brown deer. Steam lifted off the lake into the sun. My mind had been so loud with grief that I had forgotten how peaceful a noisy flock of geese can be."
A guest post by Miriam Boleyn-Fitzgerald, author of Pictures of the Mind: What the New Neuroscience Tells Us About Who We Are.

I saw my dad a month before he died. We went for breakfast at the restaurant where he liked to meet when I came through town — a place by the highway with bottomless coffee, deep-fat fryers that could second as hot tubs, and smiling waitresses who checked on you every three minutes. Dad was not in the best of health at the time, but he was still trying to make being alive work. I had no reason to believe that this would be the last time I'd ever see him. On a whim, though, I decided to give him the book I was reading.
It was not uncommon for me to share books with my dad, but this one was especially hard to cough up. It was Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche's Joy of Living. I hadn't finished it yet, and it was helping me limp through our visit with a modicum of patience and goodwill. My dad had been especially contrary that morning. We had just been discussing his new habit of smoking directly adjacent to his oxygen tank — and how it might not be emblematic of his clearest thinking ever — and his "I'll do what I please, young lady" attitude was not putting me in one of my most generous moods. But something told me to fork the book over anyway.
I am pretty sure he knew I didn't feel like sharing. He took a few minutes to tease me; he was not a man who believed in organized religion or spiritual hierarchy of any kind, and there was Rinpoche, smiling handsomely on the cover in his flowing red monk's robes. But Dad surprised me by making less fun of me than I had expected him to, and eventually he just said, "Well, if you really think you can part with it."
You could say that it was the last gift I gave my father, but in truth, it was the other way around. I missed having that book within reach for about a month, and then Dad died. I was the first member of the family to arrive to tend to his belongings (he lived far away from all of his children), and as soon as I saw the room where he had been living, it was clear to me that he had known he was dying — and soon. He had arranged his belongings in a very purposeful manner. Apart from a few pieces of simple furniture, there were two objects visible in the room: a lamp on the dresser, and underneath that, Rinpoche's book. There were boxes and boxes of books in his closet, but this book, he was letting me know, was different.
I walked over and picked it up. Bob, the friend with whom he had been staying, saw me turning it over in my hands as I let the meaning of its conscious placement sink in. "Now that's one he really got a kick out of," Bob said. "I'd come upon him reading it at all hours of the night."
•••
In the weeks after my father's death, there were plenty of moments I would not have minded anyone witnessing. There were other moments I would rather have hidden from the world. The former category included all the hours I spent caretaking—making arrangements so that others wouldn't have to, driving a long distance to take care of my younger brother, responding to all of my son Aidan's great questions about death, feeling the open, generous, expansive heart and mental clarity that can result from being reminded of the extreme vulnerability of everything we love. And then several days into the experience, I hit a wall. I got tired of taking care of people. I wanted to turn off my computer and phone and not allow anyone else to ask another single thing of me. People were counting on me, and I felt selfish for wishing they would all just go away. I felt small and cramped and extraordinarily ungenerous. I liked the other "me" much better.
It helped me claw my way out of that funk of self-loathing to reflect on how fortunate I was. I really had been fortunate. I had been able to call my dad on his birthday, just a few days before he died. I had been able to hear him say, "I love you," and to say "I love you" back and to know that I meant it and to know that he heard it.
•••
About a week after Dad died, my four-year-old son, Aidan, asked why I was still so sad. I told him yes, I was still sad about Grandpa being gone — but as I am characteristically incapable of leaving things without a sugar coating — I also said that I was happy that Grandpa had such a wonderful grandson whom he was very proud of and loved very much.
"Mama," he said, "how can Grandpa still love me? He's not here anymore."
"True," I said, swallowing tears. "But the love is here, remember? It doesn't go anywhere. You know that⎯right here." I patted his chest.
"Yeah," he said. "But Grandpa sure has gone somewhere." He shrugged and giggled. "I don't know where, but somewhere."
•••
In the wake of the loss, I felt a renewed urgency to deepen my meditation practice. I learned that an established insight meditation group was offering a weekend retreat just a few hours' drive from home. This would be the last retreat offered locally for six months. I took the leap.
Aidan asked me why I needed to go away for two whole nights, and I told him that it was because it would make me a better mommy. He looked at me like, "Well. In that case."
I drove for three hours to a pristine lake under pines and stillness somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin, and I sat silently with about 25 fellow meditators and a bunch of brown deer. Steam lifted off the lake into the sun. My mind had been so loud with grief that I had forgotten how peaceful a noisy flock of geese can be.
I didn't know anyone at the retreat, except that I did. I knew that we all wanted to be happy and to feel at ease in our lives. I knew that we all knew it, and that we wanted to share it.
Before the retreat was over, I also learned that a remarkable number of us had recently experienced the loss of a loved one. During the few group sharing times near the end of the retreat, we spoke of our dear family members and friends, and I got to tell the story of my dad and Rinpoche's book to a group of people who knew what it meant to me: that in the last weeks of his life, Dad had struck up a relationship with a practice that probably helped him manage his physical and mental suffering, that possibly even helped him wind down this life with the relief and joy of connecting with his naturally contented heart.
Many parents at the retreat spoke of how the majority of our suffering as caregivers comes from trying to prevent our children's suffering, and from the fact that mostly, it can't be done. Older parents spoke of the extreme emotional challenge of trying to protect preteens and teens who have no desire to be protected — who actually feel disempowered, insulted, even harmed by their parents' attempts to care for them. I thought of my dad and my younger self and how fiercely I fought him when he tried to protect me from boys who treated me carelessly, and I hoped that I, too, would find the courage to set unpopular limits when it was time to protect my own children.
I chose to go to that retreat not knowing how it would feel to process the loss of a loved one with a group of perfect strangers, but I went anyway, knowing that I needed a sustained period of practice even if I wasn't able to connect with a single soul. As it turned out, the entire experience was like tripping and falling into the lap of a family. It was feeling like a leaf coming loose in a storm and discovering that I was connected to countless other leaves, all trying to negotiate the weather together, all trying to shield each other from the elements as best we could. I cried the whole way home from relief. That feeling of belonging was what I had been missing in my daily life, having moved to a small city in the Midwest where (at the time) there was no established sangha.
I had gotten by just fine without a community of fellow practitioners up to that point, but it was, I now knew, the reason I had walked around pretending to be less vulnerable than I am, hiding a feeling of loneliness in my chest big enough to yank my heart through. I had forgotten how to be with a group of people who could understand me without needing to know the details of my personal circumstances. It was the sort of experience I wanted badly for my children, even if they didn't know there was anything to miss.
When I got home from the retreat, Aidan and I hugged for the rest of the day. We went everywhere together, holding hands.
Miriam Boleyn-Fitzgerald is the author of Pictures of the Mind: What the New Neuroscience Tells Us About Who We Are, which connects new brain imaging research to the Buddhist concept of no-self. She co-leads a Vipassana sitting group with her husband in Appleton, Wisconsin, where she is working on a collection of stories about her less-than-perfect attempts to learn the dharma from her two strictest (and sweetest) mindfulness teachers, her sons.
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Posted: 05 May 2013 05:00 AM PDT

by Emi Hailey Hayakawa, BTN, April 29, 2013

Seoul, South Korea -- Plum Village sits silently within the serene countryside of Bordeaux, France.
The peaceful country road leads to a warm outburst of sunflower fields and the endless fields of ripening grape vines.
Bordeaux, also known as the wine country, mesmerizes all passerby with the sweet fragrances of their famous grapes. During the Summer, when the Sunflower are in full bloom, the footsteps of practitioners who came from afar in search of the Buddha dharma and a peaceful mind imprint the country road leading to Plum Village.
Returning to the home of your mind is like returning to the warm embrace of your mother. Plum Village follows the essence of Mahayana Buddhism, but adapted the practice in order to fit the cultural conditions of the Western people. The melodic and serene chanting of the Buddhist Sutras in Vietnamese by the monastics of Plum Village calms the mind of practitioners.

"I have arrived. I am home." This is the mantra that Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, (called Thây, which means teacher in Vietnamese, by his students)  has given to all that come to Plum Village. Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, a poet, a scholar, and a peace activist. His life long efforts to generate peace and reconciliation moved Martin Luther King, Jr. to nominate him for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1967. He founded the Van Hanh Buddhist University in Saigon and the School for Youths of Social Services in Vietnam.
Thây was the one who created the spiritual home for thousands of people across the globe. He reached his awakening amidst the tumultuous time of the Vietnam war and exile from Vietnam. Through his teachings on the Art of Mindfulness, Thây realized that Buddhism needs to change according to the current generation.
The people's deep reverence for Thây and his teachings can be felt through their actions and the teachings that they follow. In a very few words, Thây puts in very simple terms what many of us struggle to come to terms with. His teachings, "The Art of Mindful Living" is very simple and easy to understand. People from all different religion respect and follow Thây's well-spoken takes on core Buddhist ideas.
The Art of Mindful Living is the core teaching at Plum Village. The Mindfulness practice begins with observing our daily routines such as walking, eating and sleeping with mindfulness.  By perceiving the world with mindfulness, our structured daily routines are transformed into daily happiness and miracles.
The mind that is not tamed also does not follow the body. Thus, with every small step, the mind aligns itself to become mindful. When the mind begins to follow the body, happiness is no longer in the future. The practitioners that follow Thây's teachings are able to experience the happiness brought upon by mindfulness and serenity.
In Plum Village, the monastics follow their own rituals, while the practitioners spend their time casually. No one forces anybody to practice. All the practices at Plum VIllage is done voluntary.
In the eyes of the conservative Asian Buddhist, the practice programs taught at Plum Village is simple and casual.Each year, the practitioners return to their spiritual hometown, because the intimacy and relaxation of being in your hometown can awaken deep emotions.
It is here in Plum Village where one can alleviate some of the stress created from our capitalistic and materialistic society.
Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh and 40 monastics from Plum Village will be coming to Seoul, Korea in May 2013, as part of his Asian Teaching Tour and offer his teachings,  "The Art of Mindfulness." This event will be hosted by the Jogye Order of Korean Buddhism, and Buddhist Television Network (BTN).
The schedule is as follows:
3 - 7 MayWeoljeongsa Retreat
10 MayBusan Public Talk at Beomeosa Temple (15:00 local time)
12 MayDay of Mindfulness at Dongguk University
13 MaySeoul Public Talk at Jamshil Indoor Gymnasium (19:00 local time)
14 MayWake Up program at International Seon Center
On May 3rd to May 7th, Thây will be hosting his mindfulness retreat at the Woljeongsa temple, where participants will enjoy a temple-stay program while sharing their dharma experiences with Thây and Plum Village monastics. This event is open to all public and will be held in English with Korean translations.
On May 10th, Thây will give a public talk, "Peace is Possible," to commemorate the 60th years of Peace between North Korea and South Korea.  This event will begin at 3pm and is open to all public and will be held in English with Korean translations. To arrive at Beomosa temple, take the Busan Subway to Beomeosa Station (Busan Subway Line No.1), take Exit No.5 or No.7 and walk between the two exits along the road for about 5 minutes  until you reach the Samsin bus stop. Take Bus No.90 and you will arrive at Beomeosa Temple Ticket Office.
May 12th is the Day of Mindfulness. The Day of Mindfulness is a daylong program which will be held at Dongguk University in Seoul.  During this program, one can cultivate mindfulness in our daily lives.  Other activities include walking meditation, formal lunch together with the community, and a discussion of the practice in the afternoon. All activities are led by Thây and the Plum Village monastics. The day usually ends around 4:00 pm. This event is open to all public and will be held in English with Korean translations.
On May 13th, Thây will give a public talk, "Stop and Heal," for the Korean public at the Jamshil Indoor Gymnasium, starting at 7pm. This event is open to all public and will be held in English with Korean translations by Ven. Haemin, a Korean monastic who graduated Harvard University and teaching at the University of Massachusetts.
To arrive at Jamshil Indoor Gymnasium take the Seoul Subway Line 2 to Sports Complex Station and Exit #6 or #7.
Tickets are available on Interpark:
http://ticket.interpark.com/Ticket/Goods/GoodsInfo.asp?GoodsCode=13001577
On May 14th, the Plum Village monastics will be holding the Wake Up Program for the young people in Korea. The Wake Up program - Young Adults for a Healthy and Compassionate Society, is a world-wide network of young people practicing the living art of mindfulness, where everybody shares the determination to live in an awakened way. This event will be open to all young people (18-35years old) and will be held at the International Seon Center in Mokdong, Seoul.
For more information on Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh's Korea tour in May, please access:

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VOA News, April 24, 2013

Beijing, China -- Two Buddhist monks are reported dead in southwestern China, after setting themselves on fire at a monastery to protest Beijing's policies in Tibet.
Tibet Immolations - updated April 25, 2013

Sources with contacts in the region tell VOA the 20-year-old and 23-year-old protesters were monks at the flashpoint Kirti monastery who had spent most of their lives at the facility -- home to more than 700 Buddhists. More than 100 monks, nuns and their supporters have self-immolated in Tibet and Tibetan regions since February 2009, when Chinese authorities renewed their crackdown on protests against Chinese rule.
The Kirti monastery has been under Chinese guard since early 2011, when Beijing responded to a similar self-immolation by seizing more than 300 monks from the facility.
Beijing initially denied involvement in the disappearances, but later acknowledged that the monks were undergoing enforced "legal education" at undisclosed locations.
China has often accused Tibet's exiled spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama, and his followers of advocating for Tibetan secession. For his part, the Dalai Lama has repeatedly sought to assure Beijing that he is merely seeking dialogue aimed at establishing Tibetan autonomy.
Early this year, Beijing moved to criminalize acts of self-immolation, and to jail those accused of inciting such protests. The crackdown also was aimed at targeting individuals that authorities say have sent videos and photographs of such acts to contacts outside China.
Tibet's government-in-exile has operated from northern India since 1959, when the Dalai Lama fled Tibet after a failed uprising against Chinese rule.


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Posted: 05 May 2013 03:00 AM PDT

Yonhap News, April 29, 2013

Seoul, South Korea -- Yes, South Korea is the most wired country in the world, but the preconceived stereotypes of Buddhist monks living in ascetic, rustic conditions nevertheless do not blend well with smartphones.
<< "Hello Dharma School," a mobile application developed in 2010, reaches out to the English-speaking masses with stories of the life and teachings of Buddha. (Courtesy of Matthew Crawford)
Yet monks are chatting and texting, and spreading Buddhist teachings, on cell phones everywhere from Dongguk University in the heart of Seoul to the sandy courtyards of mountain hermitages.
"This is not an age of happiness but an age of exhaustion and difficulty. But a single text message can give you strength," explains Venerable Song-mook, the director of the Jogye Order of Buddhism's Office of Missionary Affairs.

What is more surprising than the mere use of this technology is how the Jogye Order ? by far the largest Buddhist order in Korea ? has been developing cutting-edge smartphone apps to spread the message of Buddhism. After serving aromatic cups of tea to inquisitive visitors wanting to know about monks and their use of smartphones, Ven. Song-mook pulls out his own phone from somewhere in the loose folds of his traditional gray robe. It looks like an Android.
"The fact is that children, young people and even adults are reading books less and less often these days," he says in a calm, measured tone. "On the subway, on the bus and on the street, people are using smartphones to access information about subjects they are interested in. So we thought that perhaps we could use these devices as a way of reaching out to them."
Starting with the "Hello Dharma School" application in 2010, the Jogye Order's Office of Missionary Affairs has developed eight apps and is working on several more. "Hello Dharma School" is a storybook-style app that introduces the life and teachings of the Buddha in English. Another app named "Mind Mirror 108," which includes versions for children and young adults, is designed to teach actual Buddhist practice.
"The idea is to get rid of the idle thoughts that distract us and to realize that we are the Buddha, and also to help us cultivate compassion," Ven. Song-mook explains. Overt religious overtones were left out of this app, which was developed in response to youth issues like school violence, depression and suicide.
Some of the other apps, such as a recording of the Heart Sutra, were made for practicing adults. The next time you hear the sound of a wood block and the chanting of a monk, it could very well be coming from the nearest smartphone.
When asked how smartphone technology can serve as an aid to spiritual practice, Ven. Song-Mook answers without hesitation:
"Whenever you're going somewhere and you have some extra time, you could open up an app and read some of the Buddha's teachings." He adds that people studying Buddhist scripture can now look up difficult phrases with a few taps of their finger.
Among the Korean Buddhists embracing new technology, the most enthusiastic and successful has been the monk Hyemin. Currently residing in the U.S., Ven. Hyemin has well over 500,000 followers on his Twitter account @haeminsunim but has begun a period of electronic silence from April 1.
Ven. Song-mook believes that pursuing missionary work through social media like Ven. Hyemin has done is the wave of the future for Korean Buddhism. He sees this as the way to prepare for the "age without books" that is almost upon us.
"But would a monk sitting on a mountain somewhere meditating really know anything about smartphones?" he asks thoughtfully. In the bright office interior, decorated with thriving green plants, the only picture on the wall is of a snowy peak in Nepal.
Over 100 kilometers from Seoul at the base of Gyeryong Mountain stands the ancient Donghak Temple, one of over 1,000 associated with the Jogye Order. Here a nun named Myung-oh explains the functions of the temple's own app, sitting at a desk next to a CCTV screen showing footage of visitors doing prostrations in the prayer halls.
In charge of supervising second year students at the temple's school for Buddhist nuns, Ven. Myung-oh switched over to a smartphone only a year and a half ago. She shows her phone before admitting that she actually doesn't like gadgets.
"All I need is to be able to make phone calls and send text messages," she concedes, "so I chose an old-fashioned smartphone from the ones that were available. I don't really make use of my smartphone that much."
Speaking in a mix of Korean with a southeastern accent and polished English phrases, Ven. Myung-oh makes it clear that at Donghak Temple, the smartphone is a necessity for the nuns in positions of responsibility but a forbidden item for the novices:
"They get in the way of the very practice of religion," she explains. "When the phone rings, you have to answer it, and you have to pay attention to it. Here at this monastic school, the teachers are nuns, and the students are nuns, too. They have left their home and family. They need to quit their secular life."
Of course, when it comes to serious Zen meditation, the use of smartphones and their apps starts to seem absurd. Ven. Song-mook had mentioned that sometimes when deeply engrossed in his studies he turns off his smartphone for days at a time. And Ven. Myung-oh tells us that she finds it a relief when her phone goes out of service for a few days.
In the cool, shady interior of the temple office, Ven. Myung-oh's calm explanation slowly begins to unpuzzle the relationship between technology and Buddhism. Ven. Song-mook wraps it up well.
"You have to let go of everything, embrace mindlessness and learn the way of emptiness. Could a smartphone really be necessary for learning this great truth?" he asks. "And of course, it's not necessary. However, before we reach enlightenment, we are still humans, and (a smartphone) can help us learn a little more."

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Photo: Peter Cunningham
Jeff Bridges has earned plenty of accolades for his acting, but tomorrow, he'll be honored for his work in another medium. The International Center for Photography will present Bridges with a special award in honor of his photographs.
Since 1984, Bridges has been taking behind-the-scenes photos of the films he's worked on. It's a view not many people have, and, he tells The New York Times, he gets to use "all of the strange sources of light on a set." He usually uses black and white film in a Widelux, a quirky camera that takes wide-angle, sometimes blurry photos. The Times has an interview with Bridges about his photography, along with a slideshow of photos from throughout his film career. Click here to see it. You can see more of his photos on his website.
Shambhala Sun Deputy Editor Andrea Miller interviewed Bridges, along with his longtime friend Roshi Bernie Glassman, for the May 2013 magazine. You can read an excerpt of "The Dude and the Zen Master" here, and you'll find the whole thing inside the magazine. Click here to order a copy, and click here to subscribe and save.
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It's been almost a year since Beastie Boy and Tibet advocate Adam Yauch died of cancer at 47, and on Saturday, the anniversary of his death, fans will gather in Brooklyn to celebrate Yauch's life with MCA DAY.
MCA DAY is a daylong event featuring music, conversation, and a gallery of art created by Yauch fans. The event is free — organizer Mike Kearney says he was adamant that no money change hands, though he did invite some charities that Yauch supported to come and share information about how to donate to their causes.
Kearney said he first had the idea for MCA DAY last year, right after Yauch died. A middle school counselor in Boston, Kearney said he's never organized an event before, but felt that this was important to him.
"I was just staring at all the news and the stuff being posted online, and I felt this void," he said. "I felt the need to create something and do something." A few weeks later, he was in Union Square Park in New York with a table and a radio. Over the course of the day, several hundred people stopped by, and some of them signed on to help out with this year's much bigger event.
Kearney credits the Beastie Boys with opening up his worldview when he was in high school, around the time Ill Communication came out and Yauch interviewed the Dalai Lama in the Beastie Boys' magazine, Grand Royal.
"That was crucial to opening up the eyes of this generation that there's a whole other world out there and we are connected to it," he said. "Yauch has inspired so many people — if a Beastie Boy can become dedicated to doing good in the world and doing so much positive stuff for the world, then that potential is in any of us."
MCA DAY starts at 11 a.m. Saturday at Littlefield, 620 Degraw St. in Brooklyn. For more information, visit MCA DAY on Facebook and Twitter. And in other Yauch-related news, Brooklyn Heights Blog reports that Palmetto Playground, where Yauch played when he was growing up in the neighborhood, is being renamed Adam Yauch Park on Friday.
See also:
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"Dunhuang: Buddhist Art at the Gateway of the Silk Road" is open at the China Institute in New York, featuring art works, high-relief clay figures, wooden sculptures, silk banners, and molded bricks from the Mogao Caves in Dunhuang, China. The exhibit also includes a replica of an 8th-century cave in a cliff in the Gobi Desert, where hundreds of caves were carved out of limestone and turned into Buddhist shrines.
Though art from the caves has been exhibited before, this is the first time it's been shown in the context of a replica cave. The caves are a UNESCO World Heritage Site, and only a few of them are open to the public at any time. The exhibit runs through July 21 at the China Institute in America, 125 East 65th Street in New York. For more information, click here.
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Posted: 04 May 2013 11:00 PM PDT







The New York City based Nalanda Institute for Contemplative Science announces that enrollment is now open for its inaugural Certificate Program in Contemplative Psychotherapy, to begin in Fall 2013.
The program offers therapists, health workers, coaches, educators, and other professionals in the healing arts an opportunity to immerse themselves in the inspiring new field of contemplative psychotherapy.

This is an unprecedented opportunity to train in the converging fields of Tibetan mind science, meditation, neuroscience, and psychotherapy with an outstanding faculty of visionary pioneers and leading experts, including Joe Loizzo, Robert Thurman, Sharon Salzberg, Dan Siegel, Rick Hanson, Richie Davidson, Ethan Nichtern, Jeffrey Rubin, and many more.
This historic program will help prepare and support a new wave of highly trained, mindful, and emotionally competent health-care professionals to meet the demands of civilized living.  For more information, please visit Nalanda's Certificate webpage.
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Posted: 04 May 2013 10:00 PM PDT

Every week we choose a photo submitted to Andy Karr's contemplative photography site seeingfresh.com that really exemplifies the practice. This week's photo, by Seeing Fresh user Kevin, is a luscious combination of color and texture, a completely magical glimpse. It's a perfect example of fresh seeing.
For more about contemplative photography, and lots of other great photos, visit seeingfresh.com. And don't miss this video or this article on contemplative photography. You can see all our Seeing Fresh posts on Shambhala SunSpace here.
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Posted: 04 May 2013 09:00 PM PDT
The Central Tibetan Administration has announced that May 17 is International Tibetan Solidarity Day, which "symbolizes international community's solidarity with the aspirations of the Tibetan people who yearn for freedom and continue to stand strong in the face of great adversity." It also marks the anniversary of the disappearance of the 11th Panchen Lama, who went missing at the age of six in 1995. His whereabouts are still unknown.
The CTA is calling upon Tibetans and their supporters with expressions of solidarity for Tibet and by contacting government officials to urge action to improve human rights conditions in Tibet. All are requested to pray for the at least 117 Tibetans who have self-immolated since 2009.
(Photo by Kevin Wong via Flickr, CC-BY license)
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Posted: 04 May 2013 08:00 PM PDT
What's she pointing at? Do you see?

Saving face is a big thing in Thailand. The wrong look, word or gesture can give instant insult to a person without any intent on the part of the offender. Moreover, if you are a foreigner with limited knowledge of Thai customs - and that's just about every foreigner - it's often impossible to know that you have offended someone, as they won't tell you to your face, as that would be considered losing face, too! Being too honest with others is a real no-no in many situations, with lying much-preferred to inconvenient truths. (And this despite the fourth precept of Buddhism being not to tell untruths!) Thai will people go to extraordinary lengths to save face, lying about their background, their financial situation, their work, their family, etc. so that they look good. To challenge any of this is to incur a loss of face, which is a taboo that most Thais are extremely reluctant to break.

Saving face isn't just done to make oneself look good, however, as the Thais are largely a group-orientated people, as are many Asian peoples. From this perspective, if someone looks good, this reflects well ! on their family, their employers, their neighborhood, their community, and their nation. To make someone lose face can insult not only that person individually, but also any or all of the groups mentioned above. This group-identity has many positive aspects to it, of course, as it motivates Thais to work for the common good of their families, communities & nation. On the downside, if someone makes a mistake or does something considered wrong, this will reflect on this same groups, leading to much condemnation from others within such groups - sometimes to the person's face, often behind their back.

Of course, saving face is not unique to Thailand, and people all over the world will say & do things to make themselves and their associated groups look good. To insult someone or their family is taboo in most if not all societies, and some people will go to great lengths to gain honor, independent of the cultures hay were born to. In Thailand, however, foreigners that live in the country for any decent length of time are struck by the all-pervasive obsession with face-saving amongst the Thai people. And this despite Thai culture & psychology being imbued with Buddhism for many hundreds of years. Buddhism, it should be noted, does not encourage face-saving activities, and in the scriptures accepted by Thai Buddhists, whilst the Buddha often encourages his audience to be truthful, he never teaches that they should save face.

If we take the term 'saving face' literally, and it is interesting to note that many languages share this way of putting it, including in Thai where the terms กู้หนา้ ('goo-nah') & รักษาหนา้
('raksah-nah') can both be translated as meaning to 'save face.' It does appear to be a common human experience that retaining honor or not being insulted are related to one's face. It's also interesting to note that people are not born with a sense of having a face, and do not usually recognize their own face in a mirror until they are at least eighteen months old. This has been corroborated in scientific studies, as has been the discovery that most animals do not appear to recognize themselves in mirrors. To date, only the great apes, bottlenose dolphins, orcas, elephants & (interestingly) European magpies have passed the so-called mirror test.

This is related to self-awareness, the ability to view oneself as separate to what one actually experiences one to be where one is. Returning to the visual sense, we never actually see our own faces where we are, first-person. The eyes are pointed outwards and cannot turn around and view the face of which they are part. Being able to recognize the face in the mirror as one's own is indicative of a sense of separate self here, distinct from all the other people and animals that we encounter. Acute self-awareness results in the desire to be seen in a good light in the eyes of others. We want others to think good of us, to respect us, and to posses the self-esteem that comes from this. This is 'saving-face,' and it is called such as it is wrapped up in our actual face. Having a big face is problematic, however, for it breeds competition where there is limited opportunities for people to save face. This results in face-to-face confrontations, where my saving face is, at least to some degree, at the expense of you saving yours. We are in a face-off situation.

In Zen Buddhism, there is a famous saying which goes something like, "What was your original face before you were born?" Originally ascribed to an ancient Zen master called Huineng (638-713), the saying is one of hundreds used by subsequent Zen teachers to awaken their students to the truth of Zen. It is one of the most potent, and it's strength surely lies in its reference to the 'original face,' the discovery of which is considered one's entry into the enlightened life. But, what is this original face, and what is its relationship to our everyday faces that we see in the mirror, and spend so much time trying to 'save?' Well, unless we have the time to seek out a living Zen master & study with him for many months if not years, we're unlikely to find out. And yet, if this original face is innate to all of us, and it's discovery is the simplest of things, as claimed by numerous Zen masters, might there be a short cut? Well, this author believes so, and the secret lies in that object already referred to several times - the mirror.

Our mortal face, which we spend so much time trying to save, is to be found in the mirror; this we can see simply by looking at our reflection. Something that many of us spend hundreds, maybe thousands of hours doing during our oh-so short lives. But, it is surely to be found here, this side of the mirror too, isn't it? After all, if it is the nature of a mirror to reflect, then it must be reflecting something here, mustn't it? But, this is all mentation. A more direct method would be to actually look and see what is here, this side of the mirror. So, if you can find a mirror - or some other decent reflective surface - please take a few moments to induct the follow! ing exerc! ise; its results may radically change your self-view. 

Look at your reflection in the mirror. Notice the outline of your head and the shape of your face. Are they oval like an egg, or more rounded? Notice your hair (or lack of!), and if you have some, how long is it, what is its colour and texture? Examine your facial features: eyes, eyebrows, nose, mouth, cheeks, chin etc. Take a while over this, making sure that you haven't missed any important identifying characteristics of your particular face, the one that separates you from everyone (and everything) else. Now, point your finger at where your face actually is…or where you'd expect to find it. What do you really see here? Do you see a eyes, a nose, a mouth, hair, ears, or anything else indicative of a face or head? Be honest, for this is really important: What do you see, right now? Do you find a face, or do you find what Zen Buddhism calls your original face, what is in fact no face at all? The only face I can see when I look in a mirror is there - in the mirror. Here, there's no face at all, just this spacious awareness that can recognize that face, but is no face at all itself.

This method of self-enquiry is surprisingly modern. Surprising because it's so obvious, and mirrors as well as other reflective surfaces have been around for a long, long time. And yet no-one seems to have noticed the dramatic difference between what we assume is here, and what can be actually seen. No-one, that is, before the Twentieth Century philosopher Douglas Harding, a man that this author met several times during the Nineteen-Nineties. In his many books and innumerable workshops Douglas Harding tirelessly promoted this direct insigh! t into ou! r true nature. The above exercise, among many other similar techniques, were developed by Douglas and friends to share this vision with anyone interested in seeing who they really are. And, as he was apt to say, what a waste of a life to live it and never actually look to see who's living it!

Douglas Harding was not a Buddhist, but he did appreciate its teachings regarding this central reality, along with other traditional ways of approaching it, such as Christian mysticism & Islamic Sufism. His encouragement that we look for ourselves and see what we really are echoes the Buddha's teachings in the Kalama Sutta. In this well-known discourse, the Buddha instructs a group of confused townspeople that they shouldn't believe something just because it comes from scripture, a  priest or monk, logic, surmising, or opinion, but from experience. He also presented people with a variety of mindfulness & meditation techniques to examine ourselves. Buddhists have since added to these practices with countless other methods, some clearly adapted from other traditions, such as the tantra found in Tibetan Buddhism which came from tantric Hinduism. In the forest Buddhism of Thailand, mantras such as Buddho are used, something not found in the scriptures of Thai Buddhism, but used to great effect nevertheless. The exercises of Douglas Harding can also be incorporated into Buddhist practice, assisting us in waking up to our true nature. After all, one of the titles given the Buddha in the Dhammapada is 'the seeing one.'

So, returning to the initial concerns of this article, that of saving face and its negative effects, which is better - saving face or no face? Well, looking b! ack here ! and finding no face to confront others with, I find a spacious awareness instead. This empty knowing is capacity for others to appear in, rather than a closed off ball of flesh & bone with which to keep them out. If we live from this original face rather than our human ones, we are open to others rather than trying to get them to acknowledge how great we are. Rather, as this spaciousness, we are more likely to acknowledge the worth of other people, and without intending it, go up in their estimation in the process, as they see an openness & kindness in us that is lacking in so many 'face-savers.' As to that driving hunger for prestige & having a big face - and the inevitable suffering that comes from it when things go wrong - this too will be let go of if we live from the no-face that we see when accepting the current view in.

In conclusion, face-saving is a natural consequence of living from the illusion that we have a face here at centre - and it is an illusion, for if we look, we don't see a face, head or brain, but a vast aware space ('Buddha Space'). Of course, we do have these things, and if they need pruning or painting, or some medical procedure performed on them, it's quite right that such stuff occurs. But, when looking back here, we don't see them, and - more importantly - what we see instead is this alert void full of the world. If we live as space for each other as opposed to thinking that we're in competition all the time, trying to be Mr (or Mrs, Miss, or Ms!) Big, we find that we don't seek to save face all the while. Instead, we will seek to help one another to be free of the desire & ignorance that give birth to excessive face-saving. And all this by simply noticing the unborn no-face from which we are coming!
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Posted: 04 May 2013 07:00 PM PDT
Our friends at The Pema Chödrön Foundation invite you to join them in celebrating Pema's 77th birthday by taking part in their second annual "birthday retreat." Pema has filmed a teaching just for this occasion, offering advice, encouragement, and meditation instruction. All you need to do is register online and the Pema Chödrön Foundation will email you a link to the video on July 1. Once you have the link, you'll be able to view the video whenever you want, and as often as you want.
It'll be a great way to deepen your practice, to share practice with others, and to celebrate the life and work of a singular teacher. More details after the jump.
For this event, Pema invites you to meditate for a few hours or for the entire day, alone or with friends. Her deepest hope is that this will help us plant the seed of peace in our own hearts, in our homes, and in our communities. Join thousands from around the world to help make this a reality.
Last year, on Pema's 76th birthday, the PCF held its first "Virtual Birthday Retreat," which could only be considered a smashing success: friends and students of Pema from Ukraine to Uganda, and from Tajikistan to Tibet, gathered together in their homes and local centers for a day of practice. More than 11,000 people from 101 countries gathered with many thousands more in their own communities. As will be the case this year, there was no cost for the retreat and teachings, but the many birthday offerings that were received went toward the building of a three-year retreat center, to be called Pema Chödrön Drubde, for the nuns of Tsoknyi Gechak Ling in Nepal.
To register, just click here. (And to find out more about the Pema Chödrön Foundation, visit their website or follow them on Facebook.)
And for more from Pema, don't miss our Pema Chödrön Spotlight page, featuring a selection of her finest teachings from the pages of the Shambhala Sun.
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Posted: 04 May 2013 06:00 PM PDT

Thanissara with Sister Abegail
Thanissara and Kitissaro, founders of Dharmagiri Hermitage and Outreach in South Africa (profiled in "The Dharma of Ubuntu," from the Buddhadharma archives), are raising funds to buy a home for Sister Abegail Ntleko and the 21 orphaned children and teenagers in her care. Sister Abe, as she's known, has been taking care of AIDS orphans and other disadvantaged children for decades, and the house she's living in now isn't big enough for all of them.
Right now, the fundraiser is two-thirds of the way to their $ 50,000 goal, and they have until May 28 to raise another $ 20,000. Learn how you can help at the project's Indiegogo page. You can also sign the Kulungile petition in support of resources for children left vulnerable by the pandemic.
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Posted: 04 May 2013 05:00 PM PDT
Via Shambhala Times comes news of the formation of the Shambhala Monastic Order:
"This is the fruition of years of work by the Sakyong and Gampo Acharya Pema Chodron.
"The Shambhala Monastic Order will provide the umbrella organization over Gampo Abbey and any future monasteries within Shambhala.
"The Sakyong and Gampo Acharya Pema also wish to announce, within this new order, a pilot Shambhala monastic community to be formed in Halifax in 2014."
Click here to read the full story at Shambhala Times.
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Posted: 04 May 2013 04:00 PM PDT

At the recent TEDxMiddlebury conference, Polly Young-Eisendrath gave this talk on happiness. The key to being happy, she says, is getting free of self-importance.
A Jungian analyst in private practice and a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Vermont, Young-Eisendrath is attuned to how we deal (or, don't deal) with our emotions. So it's fitting that she'll be co-leading — along with John Tarrant and Anyen Rinpoche  –"Getting Off the Emotional Rollercoaster," a weekend program co-presented by the Shambhala Sun Foundation at Omega Institute this summer. The program will run from July 19 to 21 at Omega's Rhinebeck, New York campus and will explore emotions and how to work with them in everyday life. During the weekend, participants will learn to cultivate a sense of calm and spaciousness, make friends with negative emotions, transform the inner dialogue that accompanies them, and apply helpful Buddhist techniques to deal with them on the spot.
The retreat combines presentations, meditation, and discussion, and draws on the wisdom of three major Buddhist traditions: Vipassana, Zen, and Tibetan Buddhism. The program is open to both experienced Buddhist practitioners and those who are new to Buddhism. For more information, and to register, click here.
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Posted: 04 May 2013 03:00 PM PDT
Our friends at the Pema Chödrön Foundation invite you to join them in celebrating Pema's 77th birthday by taking part in their second annual "birthday retreat." Pema has filmed a teaching just for this occasion, offering advice, encouragement, and meditation instruction. All you need to do is register online and the Pema Chödrön Foundation will email you a link to the video on July 1. Once you have the link, you'll be able to view the video whenever you want, and as often as you want.
It'll be a great way to deepen your practice, to share practice with others, and to celebrate the life and work of a singular teacher. More details after the jump.
For this event, Pema invites you to meditate for a few hours or for the entire day, alone or with friends. Her deepest hope is that this will help us plant the seed of peace in our own hearts, in our homes, and in our communities. Join thousands from around the world to help make this a reality.
Last year, on Pema's 76th birthday, the PCF held its first "Virtual Birthday Retreat," which could only be considered a smashing success: friends and students of Pema, from Ukraine to Uganda and from Tajikistan to Tibet, gathered together in their homes and local centers for a day of practice. More than 11,000 people from 101 countries gathered with many thousands more in their own communities. As will be the case this year, there was no cost for the retreat and teachings, but the many birthday offerings that were received went toward the building of a three-year retreat center, to be called Pema Chödrön Drubde, for the nuns of Tsoknyi Gechak Ling in Nepal.
To register, just click here. (And to find out more about the Pema Chödrön Foundation, visit their website or follow them on Facebook.)
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Posted: 04 May 2013 02:00 PM PDT
Christopher Willard's father's magic trick taught him his first lesson on mindful awareness and the power of concentration, giving him insight into impermanence at the age of seven.
The first meditation I ever learned was a gift from my father, when I was probably about six or seven years old. We were floating on a rubber raft in a pond, gazing up at the blue summer sky. Far above us we watched as massive white cumulus clouds slowly morphed into new forms and then gradually un-formed. My dad looked over at me and said, "Hey, want to see a magic trick?" Of course I did. What kid doesn't want to see his father perform magic?
"I'm going to make a cloud disappear with my mind." "No way!" I responded. "Sure, I'll do it. In fact, we can do it together. First, we need to pick a cloud, and since this is your first, let's start with a small one to practice." I picked a smallish looking puffy white cloud just visible above the jagged green line of trees ringing the pond. "Now, all you have to do is focus on that cloud and just breathe in." I slowly inhaled the summer air, taking in the smells of pond water and suntan lotion as my belly filled up.
"And now, with each breath out, notice the cloud getting a little bit smaller." Sure enough, with each breath out, the cloud seemed to fade ever so slightly. We lay there for a few minutes, drifting in the sun and looking hard at that cloud, breathing together. I squirmed, and the rubber raft creaked underneath me.
"Keep focusing on that cloud," my father instructed. "Bring your mind back if it wanders; keep your mind focused on it or it won't disappear." We continued breathing, focusing, and sending our will toward that cloud as it faded itself away over the course of the next few minutes. It was the best magic trick I'd ever seen.
Of course, I look back now and understand that clouds will form and un-form in the sky regardless of my intention, willpower or desire. But still, at that moment, my breath and my mind seemed like the most powerful force in the world. Second only, maybe, to my Dad.
Years later, I still look up at clouds on a summer's day, and remember that afternoon and the power of my breath. When the clouds of my own mood darken around me, I can breathe through the storms of grief, anger, illness, or self-doubt. When storms of fear gather around the world, or the news headlines seem to cast a long shadow on the future, I know that as I keep breathing, they too will pass. And I know that the air I breathe connects all living beings, and how I breathe will affect me and all of those around me, a lesson that I look forward to passing on to my own children someday soon.
Christopher Willard is a psychologist, author, teacher and traveler. He is the author of Child's Mind, a book of mindfulness exercises for children and teens, and has written various scholarly articles on mindfulness and psychotherapy. He currently works in private practice and at Tufts University, and serves on the board of directors at the Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy. When not working, he can be found traveling, reading, writing, cooking, and eating, or any combination of these he can manage mindfully.
To see the rest of our Under 35 Project posts, click here. To read more and submit your own work, visit the project's website.
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Posted: 04 May 2013 01:00 PM PDT
Our condolences go out to the staff at Greens Restaurant and San Francisco Zen Center, after Greens head chef John Paul Ueber was killed in a car accident this week.
"He was a very multitalented person," executive chef Annie Somerville said of Ueber. "A very accomplished person. Super energetic, always moving forward."
Our sympathies go out to John Paul's family, friends, and coworkers. Read the full story here.
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Posted: 04 May 2013 12:00 PM PDT
In this installment of From the Editor's Desk, our review editor looks at two pilgrimage travelogues — one modern and one ancient — and a new study of a Nyingma master's work. Click here to read them.
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Posted: 04 May 2013 12:00 PM PDT
  43 years ago today 4 protesters were shot dead at Kent State university. 9 more were wounded. 67 shots were fired in 13 seconds.       Now nobody bothers to write songs about young people being killed by … Continue reading → Read More @ Source

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